Looking at Family Relationships

Strong people skills is one of those things that I have always said is a priority in educating my children. It is also a priority I feel I am falling short of all too often.

Today we started a project to evaluate our family relationships. The idea came from Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in you and your kids by Turansky and Miller. 

Each family has more relationships than we may realize at first glance. 5 family members is not 5 or even 10 relationships.

We began by putting each family member's name on the white board. To make it a little more fun everyone got their own color. We included God, so we have 6 people in our relationship map.

Next each person is connected to every other person. We drew their relationships in their color.

We are also in relationship with ourselves. That is 6 relationships per 6 people for 36 relationships! Give yourself some grace, that's a lot to manage!

We talked briefly about only being able to directly control your relationship with someone, not their relationship to you. We can influence another to improve their relationship with us, but not control their response.

The writing assignment was:
List everything good about one relationship. 

What needs improving in that same relationship?
What could I do to work toward making this relationship what I would like it to be?

We'll do one a day until we've gone through them all, including our relationship with ourselves.

 

My hope is we will each see insights into individual relationships by examining them one at a time. 

We'll have more discussion and hopefully set some goals of things to improve on while realizing there is good in every relationship, even if they sometimes hurt us or frustrate us.  With younger children simply talk through the concept. It's easy to see how we relate differently to each member of our family if we pause to look at it.

How do you help your children work on relationships?

Processing a Dead Dream

What does processing a dead dream look like? The process needs the right tools and the right environment for healing. Dead dreams must be dealt with so we are no longer defined by them and so we don’t stink. I’m no expert but here’s what I’ve got so far.

1. Grieve.

2. Repent if needed.

3. Refocus on God. Remember God’s promises, they haven’t changed.

4. Seek wisdom.

5. If it was a dream from God ask for a resurrection. If not ask for a new dream.

Grieve. Every dream that dies is a loss, likely more than one. Going through the process of what we lost, or perceive we lost, can teach us a lot about ourselves, our faith, and our relationship with God. Grieving may reveal people we need to forgive – ourselves, others, and even God. It may also reveal places we were off track in which case we must…

Repent. Sometimes we go after God’s dreams our way, or in our time. I’ve often told my children doing the right thing at the wrong time is wrong. It’s true for us, too. We need to repent of going on our own schedule. Maybe it was entirely our dream. Then we need to repent of going our own way. We get back on track by…

Refocusing on God: Our identity, our worth, everything is in Him alone. Deeper understanding and believing of this truth will anchor us through our healing. He is faithful. He keeps his promises. Life will not be perfect, but He is. Praise Him with a truly grateful heart for the blessings you have, even when a dream has died.

Seek wisdom. God’s wisdom can reveal ways He is working even the death of your dream for your good and His glory. Dead dreams still speak to you; or rather Satan speaks for them. They accuse us, remind us of failure. They speak lies against the character of God and His promises. They make circumstances seem more real than the promises of God. Learn from your experiences with dead dreams.  True friends and God can give you wisdom for next time.

Part of processing a dead dream is to see which part of it was God’s. Maybe God’s part of the dream was the mission and the vehicle was or own thinking.

The process of dealing with disappointment, discouragement and disillusionment is to replace them -one of the great mysteries of the Kingdom. We trace disappointment for God’s appointment. We trade discouragement for God’s courage. We trade disillusionment for God’s hope and purpose. I’ll write about how to do that next week.

I'd love to hear how you have dealt with your dead dreams.

Why Do You Love Me?

First posted on March 7, 2010

I used to ask my precious husband this question frequently, especially when I was not feeling at all loveable. Sometimes he would give me reasons and sometimes he would say something like, “Because I want to.” That would make me so mad! How could someone love me just because they want to when I am such a mess and so unworthy! I wanted him to affirm me, tell me I was loveable for something I did or was. It took me years to realize how foolish this was. Somewhere along the line I realized that being loved because someone chose to love me was the best possible kind of love. If they chose to love me, then it didn’t matter how I looked or acted they would still love me. However if someone loved me for my talent, what would happen if I lost my talent? If they loved me for my looks and I lost my looks? How insecure that love would be based on things or circumstances. The only way my husband can love me this way is because God has given him that love.

This is how God loves each person. God loves us, loves me. Because I was worthy? No. Because I was good? No. Because I loved Him? Again, no. God loves me because He chose to. The Creator God of the universe chooses to love me! He also chooses to love you. Because God is changeless He will never “unchoose” to love me or you. One day when the children were watching “Clifford, The Big Red Dog” on PBS this truth came to me again. I know PBS is not where you’d expect to get a revelation of God’s love, but He will use whatever is available I guess. The theme song says “Clifford needed Emily so she chose him for her own.” Why did Emily choose Clifford? Because he needed her. God chose us because we needed Him to choose us. He chose to love us while we were against Him. If He had not chosen us there would be no way for us to ever come to Him. Being chosen to be loved just because is the best way to be loved.

You can be a blessing to your spouse by choosing to love them with God’s kind of love, love that doesn’t change with moods or circumstances. If you are blessed enough to be married to someone who chooses to truly love you bless them by receiving their love, just because.

Blogs of Blessing

While learning to walk out my resting I was blessed by these blogs. I thought they might bless you as well.

It started here:

Returning and Resting

I sent Amy the link to my post quoting her book while she was interviewing with Shane Davis of Nothing Wavering. They talked about the same quote :)

Waiting in my email was Anne's simple and refreshing message on real life exercise. I can easily get on a guilt trip about not exercising, no gym membership, no long runs (no short runs for that matter). Anne's message was refreshing.

On Facebook I saw a link I am so glad I followed. It led me to The Power of Moms and this wonderful post. “Your children want you!”  and this CHALLENGE: Recognize any tendencies you might have to get wrapped up in discouragement, and set up a regular way to remind yourself that your children want you.

The graphic below will be my reminder when my "should dos" beckon me away from my children. They are a great work. I cannot come down to be buried in a "To Do" list.

Is the culture forcing children to grow up too fast?

 was shared by another friend. Great motivation for keeping life simple and focused on Jesus.

Making a List That Matters

 shared this beautifully simple graphic, just like her beautiful simple post. Amy shares her list and challenges me to write my own list. I'm always making lists, trying to get organized and be more productive. Her list really matters, though.

 I'll work on it and post my answers to my challenges next week.

Please share yours as well. 

What encouraged you this week?

Butterflies - Jesus Made Me for Good Works

Easter 2012 is just around the corner, April 8. Today I'm sharing a devotion from soon to be released Easter is About Jesus: Family Devotions for the Easter Season. 

Coloring page and ornament at the bottom of this post.

Butterflies—Jesus Made Me for Good Works

God has made us what we are. In Christ Jesus, God made us new people so we would do good works. God had planned in advance those good works for us. He had planned for us to live our lives doing them.

Ephesians 2:10

Do you know that beautiful butterflies start out as caterpillars? They can’t fly or move very fast. They don’t look anything like the butterfly they will be one day. A caterpillar can only be a butterfly by going through a process of being made new. This process is called metamorphosis. In a way, the caterpillar dies. Inside the cocoon, it is remade into a butterfly. The butterfly must fight its way out of the cocoon for its wings to be strong enough to fly.

People who don’t know Jesus as their Lord and Savior can be like caterpillars. They may not look much like what God created them to be. We must be made new in Jesus and work with the Holy Spirit to do the good works God created us to do. It will be hard sometimes, just like the butterfly fighting its way out of the cocoon. Jesus and the Holy Spirit are always with you to help you; you will never be alone. When you see the butterflies, remember that Jesus made you for good works.

More Time with God

Questions:

• What has God made you to do? 
• What are you good at? 
• What do you like to do?

Activity Ideas:

• Ask God what he likes to see you do. 
• God made the caterpillar to become a butterfly and fly. What has God made you to do? Look in Matthew 22:37-39, Ephesians 6:1, and Philippians 2:14. 
• Draw a butterfly. In the wings, write or draw things God has made you to do.

Did you enjoy today's devotion?

Will you share your thoughts and pictures?

What has God made you to do?


Sign up for Encouragement From Kove's Cove (see right side bar) to be the first to know when Easter is About Jesus is available for purchase.

Coloring page and ornament

Right click to select your options for printing. Let me know if you have trouble.

Coloring page
Print full size or print small for your own ornament.

Ornament - Front

Ornament - Back

Print ornament front and back and glue together, add a ribbon for hanging if you like. Make any size you want.

Worthy is the Lamb

We have been studying through Revelation.  This journey  began last spring when we started our timeline. Beginning a timeline led to studying before time began. Then my children wanted to know what happened after time. That led us to start studying Revelation.We read through Revelation and began study last spring. Over the summer our study dropped off. In January we started using Kay Arthur's Bible Prophecy for Kids.We've really been enjoying it.

I print off the passage from Blue Letter Bible with 1.5 line spacing so there is more room for notes.

Scene Around the Throne

There are often activities to draw what has been described. Sometime we do our own. I encourage my children to do really fast sketches for this so they see they can get down a concept without being an artist.

There is a code for how to mark key words in the passage. This really helps to sort through exactly what was written.

Before the Foundation of the World

Originally Posted on March 2, 2011
We have begun a timeline project in our learning adventure. I looked through several resources, but as usual decided to do my own thing with others ideas. More about the timeline itself in another post. 

As we were getting started the verse about God having planned for us to do good works before the foundation of the world came to mind. I got the idea to start our timeline before time began. I found an article on Revive Israel Ministries that lists and explains simply verses that mention "before the foundation of the world". 

I made a simple mini treasure book with these verses and a statement of what they tell about before the world began. Having a Biblical perspective means an eternal perspective, including eternity past as well as eternity future. 

I hope it will make an impression on them as they grow. Our life is such a small line on history. History is an even smaller mark on eternity. It makes the troubles here easier to bear. Jesus looked into time and decided His time of suffering, as horrid and intense as it was, would be worthwhile. He created us knowing He would have to suffer and died to bring us into eternity with Him.

Out of Season- or Not?

Today as I was driving I saw pussy willows along the road. 

This happens every winter in Alaska. Sometime in February or March when most everyone thinks they can’t stand anymore winter we’ll have a warm spell. Some pussy willows will burst forth their soft fuzzy grey. Out in the woods some mosquitoes will hatch. I think its God reminding us that spring will indeed come, even though we have many more weeks of winter coming.

How often do I think a person, event, or message is out of season?  They don’t seem to fit; it’s not time for that now. A child. A marriage. A word. A ministry.

Perhaps they are meant to be sources of hope. Rather than judgment and confusion for those who seem out of season I should receive the encouragement that God has his own plan for all of us. His plan is not required to meet any human standard. None. Not time, logic, or least of all our plans or comfort.

Am I called to be out of season? Are you?

I believe we are. We are in a dark, lost world getting darker by the day – unless. Unless we who are the light will step out of the season of darkness, destruction and judgment with our light. Light always triumphs over darkness. Always.

Being out of season with the world should be easy. If it’s not perhaps we have forgotten we are light.

Being out of season with your family or church is much harder. Connection with the Father is so important when he calls you out of season. He sustains in all seasons. He can only sustain what is connected. He is the Vine. A branch in season or out will die apart from the vine.

Out of season but in His will is blessing. Blessing to me. Blessing to those who receive encouragement.

Wonders of Winter

Wind creates wonders out of snow. 

It keeps our steps. 

 In snow we leave holes.

 The wind takes what we have not trod.

The storm leaves us the path have traveled.

 Are the steps I'm leaving worth following?

River of Living Water

I had a picture of someone sitting in a river, water washing over them. The river is the River of Life. They are sitting in the river crying. As the living water washes over them the tears are transformed into treasures.

The water is the Kingdom, the Word, promises, power, and blessing. Sitting on the bank one can see the Kingdom, the power, the blessings, the richness. However sitting on the bank one cannot fully participate in the Kingdom. Manifestation of the Kingdom in each life depends on how fully immersed in the river that life is, at the moment and over time. It takes time in the river to be washed of old habits and wrong thinking. As the washing takes place there is more room for living water inside as well as around. Since it is Living Water fully submersed is the safest place to be.

I realized in many ways I have been watching the river flow by. I long to be part of it, yet I stand at the edge with just my toes in the water. I need to walk out to the middle, sit down and be fully submersed. I need the washing, refreshing, empowering. I need it 24/7.

I tend to be kind of extreme so I think I would love to have a life of solitude with only God and his Word. However God has not placed me in a season of life where I can do anything like that. I have a family and responsibilities. It would be an easy out anyway because it's easy to love people who aren't around to annoy you.

 I will read his Word more. I will meditate on it through the day. I will think his thoughts over my own. Right now we are taking a break from our lessons so I think I will listen as much as I can right now as well.

Are you in the River?
How do you stay in the Living Water in the midst of your busy life?

Promised Land – Part 4

Following the story of Moses and the Israelites to their Promised Land.

God gave Moses and Aaron a favor with Pharaoh, yet not favor that meant immediate gratification (v1). He had chosen and prepared Moses and Aaron for their roles in his deliverance of Israel. He is preparing me. I may be the Aaron rather than the Moses; the assistant, not the leader. I can rest in whatever role he calls me to because I know he is the one doing the work through me and it’s all for my good (Phil 1:6 and Romans 8:28)

Exodus 7

(1)  And the LORD said unto Moses, See, I have made thee a god to Pharaoh: and Aaron thy brother shall be thy prophet.

God tells Moses again that Pharaoh will not cooperate. God has bigger plans than getting his people out of Egypt (v3-5). Egypt will know there is a God more powerful than all of their gods. They could choose to follow him. He has bigger plans than getting me out of my uncomfortable places as well. I pray people can come to know him because of how I come out of hard places, how I behave in hard places, too.

 (3)  And I will harden Pharaoh's heart, and multiply my signs and my wonders in the land of Egypt.

(4)  But Pharaoh shall not hearken unto you, that I may lay my hand upon Egypt, and bring forth mine armies, and my people the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments.

(5)  And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I stretch forth mine hand upon Egypt, and bring out the children of Israel from among them.

Here is another place I get a glimpse of an idealistic, rosy, wrong spot in my worldview. If God tells me to do a miracle and I do and it works – that would be the end of it. “See how great my God is! Now do what he says!” The heathens would be impressed, my job would be over. Oh not so. God gives Moses and Aaron very clear instructions (v9). He knows what Pharaoh is going to say. He prepares them to deal with the challenge. Pharaoh will ask for a miracle. God will provide. Pharaoh’s magicians do the same “trick”! By Satan’s power and God’s allowance they turn their sticks into snakes as well (v12). This would be quite disheartening I think. However God’s miracle eats Satan’s trick. This I like. I haven’t studied it but I imagine the sorcerer’s staffs were quite important in their divination and now they were gone. They were showing off and lost their sticks!

 (9)  When Pharaoh shall speak unto you, saying, Shew a miracle for you: then thou shalt say unto Aaron, Take thy rod, and cast it before Pharaoh, and it shall become a serpent.

(10)  And Moses and Aaron went in unto Pharaoh, and they did so as the LORD had commanded: and Aaron cast down his rod before Pharaoh, and before his servants, and it became a serpent.

(11)  Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers: now the magicians of Egypt, they also did in like manner with their enchantments.

(12)  For they cast down every man his rod, and they became serpents: but Aaron's rod swallowed up their rods.

Pharaoh hardens his heart and Moses and Aaron are instructed to do another miracle, this one a judgment on Egypt. All the water in Egypt is turned to blood (v20-21). All the water had turned to blood, killed the fish and made a huge mess. Apparently it had cleared up and is back to water. Or they had found water that could have been used for people and animals to drink. However, Pharaoh calls the sorcerers again and they do the same thing (v22)! This is craziness. Even if they could why would they turn the water into blood? People will do foolish things, even to their own hurt to try to keep God’s plan from happening. People will do foolish things because of their pride. They may be trying to prove it could happen without God hoping to discourage you from believing the promises and calling he has given you.

 (20)  And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded; and he lifted up the rod, and smote the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh, and in the sight of his servants; and all the waters that were in the river were turned to blood.

(21)  And the fish that was in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink of the water of the river; and there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt.

(22)  And the magicians of Egypt did so with their enchantments: and Pharaoh's heart was hardened, neither did he hearken unto them; as the LORD had said.

Knowing God’s plan, even following God directions does not mean smooth sailing. In the past I would have said I knew that to be true. However as I was studying the journey to the Promised Land, and am now living a hard time I see I didn’t truly believe it. If I did I wouldn’t be surprised when things don’t work the way I hope they will, or when someone comes against my plans, plans I thought were God’s. I would not be so shaken and the time would not be so hard. I am thankful though. Now I will know my God better and be more prepared for the future. He is what I hold to, not His plans. The plans I thoughts were everything were just preparation for my future.

What is your view of God in hard times?

Do you know him well enough to run to him?

Do you know him well enough to rest in hard times? 


Promised Land – Part 1

Promised Land – Part 2

Promised Land - Part 3

Broken Yet Fruitful

First Posted on KovesCove on July 10, 2011

I walk. I sing. I pray. “Let me see things as You do.”




This flower is broken. Its design has been destroyed.
And yet it is fruitful. So much more fruitful now, after brokenness.

"Let me be as fruitful out my my brokenness."

Brokenness need not be an ending. It may be a new begining.

What a good God to design fruitfulness from brokenness. These fireweed grow one tall stalk of flowers, yet when it is removed they do not give up. They produce even more.

Jesus was also broken. The origional design had been destroyed by sin. Jesus is now the firstborn of many. When the church is persecuted it grows faster and stronger.

May I be fruitful after brokenness.

Looking Around in Pruning

Pastor Paul’s message on pruning was a challenging one. 

It is hard to look up and see that I do not know God like I think I do, or want to. I do not know him like I need to for this pruning to be as effective as I long for it to be. What makes it harder is knowing he has been calling me to more time with him, the intimacy I long for, yet I’ve neglected him in the everyday busyness and tasks.

Looking back can be “If only” and “Why didn’t I?” The “Why didn’t I?” can be helpful if I gain insight into changes to make. If it stays in discouragement the pruning will have to continue.

Looking inside is such a mess! Up and down. Hope and confusion. Seeing God and losing all focus.

Looking forward is hard right now, too. Sometimes I can’t see what it looks like at all. Other times I can see things far too large and distant to be helpful. Sometimes I look too far forward and I am missing what I need to be doing now. 

Still processing and choosing God's word above my feelings, harder sometimes than others. More successful sometimes than others also.

Are you going through pruning? Have you taken a good look around?

Promised Land * Part 3

We left Moses in chapter 5 complaining to God about how things turned out when he requested a break for the Hebrews. I too often find myself inwardly complaining about how things are turning out. I’d like it to be so much easier. Much more immediate.

 In Exodus 6 God restates to Moses his covenant to Abraham and his promise to bring Israel from Egypt to make them his people.

            

    And Moses spake so unto the children of Israel: but they hearkened not unto Moses for anguish of spirit, and for cruel bondage. Exodus 6:9 

I regret to say I have often responded to truth and God’s promises that way- unable to listen because I was too focused on my hurt, confusion, or whatever form of “anguish of spirit”. I frequently deal with that in my son as well. It makes wish I had learned my lessons better and sooner. It also makes me more determined to learn them now and to train him with the foundation to stand on God’s promises despite feelings and perspective.

   

  And Moses spake before the LORD, saying, Behold, the children of Israel have not hearkened unto me; how then shall Pharaoh hear me, who am of uncircumcised lips?  Exodus 6:12

Moses is discouraged when the people don’t listen to him. I always understood that until studying this time when I realized God had already told Moses the plan was not going to work right away. Why was he surprised or discouraged by the trouble he knew was coming? Why am I? Focus. When I focus on my feelings, my wishes, my way, my whatever, I lose sight of God and that opens me to discouragement. I easily forget that Jesus told us we would have trouble, enemies, and hard times. I don’t want any of that. When I remember it not all about me and focus on God I get a very different picture. How can I relate with compassion to someone who is grieving if I have had no loss myself? I have to value others enough to pay the price to identify with them. Jesus did.

Are the ones Jesus died for worth my inconvenience? Too often my attitude says “no, not really”. I’m hurting. This is hard for me. They just don’t understand.

Drawing close to the Father is the only answer. Close enough to feel his heartbeat, to cherish his love. When I receive his love how can I not love those he loves? How can I not be willing to sacrifice everything for them to know his love as well?



Promised Land – Part 1


Promised Land – Part 2