Looking at Family Relationships

Strong people skills is one of those things that I have always said is a priority in educating my children. It is also a priority I feel I am falling short of all too often.

Today we started a project to evaluate our family relationships. The idea came from Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes... in you and your kids by Turansky and Miller. 

Each family has more relationships than we may realize at first glance. 5 family members is not 5 or even 10 relationships.

We began by putting each family member's name on the white board. To make it a little more fun everyone got their own color. We included God, so we have 6 people in our relationship map.

Next each person is connected to every other person. We drew their relationships in their color.

We are also in relationship with ourselves. That is 6 relationships per 6 people for 36 relationships! Give yourself some grace, that's a lot to manage!

We talked briefly about only being able to directly control your relationship with someone, not their relationship to you. We can influence another to improve their relationship with us, but not control their response.

The writing assignment was:
List everything good about one relationship. 

What needs improving in that same relationship?
What could I do to work toward making this relationship what I would like it to be?

We'll do one a day until we've gone through them all, including our relationship with ourselves.

 

My hope is we will each see insights into individual relationships by examining them one at a time. 

We'll have more discussion and hopefully set some goals of things to improve on while realizing there is good in every relationship, even if they sometimes hurt us or frustrate us.  With younger children simply talk through the concept. It's easy to see how we relate differently to each member of our family if we pause to look at it.

How do you help your children work on relationships?

Vocabulary Spelling City Review - Part 2

Vocabulary Spelling City Review - Part 1

I accepted an offer for a month free trial of full features of Spelling City. We’ve been using it for about 3 weeks.

The Toolbox is full of great features. I can manage students, create lists and assignments, and track the progress of each child.

I have chosen several activities that I want each child to do for each list of words I enter. I entered words from our reading curriculum. Words lists can be added one word at a time, in a batch, or cut and paste from another document. Not only can you save custom word lists you can save sets of assignments. This makes getting ready for next week simple.

One activity requires them to write sentences with the word list. They can have their sentence read back to them by the computer to see if they typed what they meant or left any words out. They can edit their sentences before submitting them. They go to the writing section in your Toolbox for you to grade.

On the vocabulary side they can play games with lists you make or lists already in the system. There are math, science and geography lists ready to go.

Besides the online games you can print many of the activities for off the computer use.

They also offer lesson plans and a wealth of language education related articles and links.

At just under $30 a year for 5 students it’s a great value.

Vocabulary Spelling City Review - Part 1

Practicing spelling words can be a boring task. It also can be quite time consuming with three children who need practice. Since we homeschool it is sometimes good for someone other than me to help them with things.
I have used some of the free features on Spelling City in the past. I like to enter my own list or just to change things up a bit with some learning games.
Now I'm excited to try out all their new features. You'll see why and how in the following disclosure:

I've been given a Premium Membership to VocabularySpellingCity.com for a candid, personal, online review.

VocabularySpellingCity helps students study word lists using 25 different learning activities such as Unscramble, Hangman, WordFind, and Crossword Puzzle. Parents can create their own spelling lists, find published lists already available on the site, or use any of dozens of free teaching resources on topics such as Multiple Meaning Words and Possessive Nouns . Be sure to come back in three weeks to read about my experience.
There might be more free memberships available for bloggers. If you're interested, find out how you can review VocabularySpellingCity.com. 

Looking forward to trying it out.

AUTHORS & Artists Review & Giveaway

This month’s Gabby Moms review is a little book that focuses on big things.  I received the book in exchange for my honest opinion. Giveaway links at the bottom :)

AUTHORS & Artists is a book by Lorrie Flem to help teach children about character qualities. I’m not sure where I got my impression of what I was getting, but it wasn’t what I expected. The subtitle says “Learning Character Through Writing”. Somehow I missed it! Lorrie also has a book ARTISTS & Authors, which is for younger children or those who like to draw. I thought each book would have some activities for artists and authors only more of one or the other depending on which book you got. I was wrong J The AUTHORS &Artists is only writing. Drawings would have to be done over the lines or on separate paper.

Once I figured out it wasn’t what I was expecting I really liked the size and the variety of topics touched on. Lorrie offers suggestions on making the book work with your family and lifestyle – one of the great things about Lorrie and her resources – always practical. Suggestions include where to use it, when to use it, and even how to use it by topic. Each page has a topic and basically a very short devotional thought or teaching on the topic. Most pages refer to a passage of scripture that would be good to look up in light of the topic. Some of the passages were a little too long and got hole punched for the spiral binding. Those might need mom’s help to find the scripture. There are lines for the student’s response. The book is small so the writing space is not intimidating.

I have not had the opportunity for my children to try it out yet, so I don’t have their expert feedback for you. I think it will be part of my daughter’s routine as we get geared back up for lessons this fall. I think it will be a good tool to lead her to more independent time with God and also more focusing of her thoughts. The book is written to the child and includes questions in the passages for them to respond to in their writing.

If you are looking for a simple to use devotion these would be worth checking into. You'll find them and many other practical encouraging resources at Eternal Encouragement.

You can enter to win either or both of these books at Lorrie's new blog, Randy's Rib.

Here are the DIRECT links to enter the giveaways:
AUTHORS and Artisits link: http://www.randysrib.com/authors-artists-giveaway/

ARTISTS and Authors link : http://www.randysrib.com/artists-authors-giveaway/

I wish you the best and thanks for reading!

Julie Federico Interview

Welcome, Julie. Where are you from? 

I live in Denver, CO.

How did you get started in writing?    

I wrote my first book Some Parts are Not for Sharing in 2007 after working as a middle school counselor for many years.  I heard all types of abuse stories from my students.  After hearing the all too frequent story about how mom's boyfriend harmed yet another student I said "Enough!"  From this point on I began trying to reach out to children at a young age and teach them about appropriate boundaries.  My books are for young readers 0-7 years old.  I am the only author talking to babies about domestic violence and child abuse prevention.

Why did you write Anger is Okay Violence Is Not? 

I wrote this book in April 2011 after presenting at a Headstart Preschool in Hartford, CT.  I was visiting multiple Headstarts and sharing the prevention message in Some Parts are Not for Sharing.  At one of the schools the director looked right at me and said "We love your child abuse prevention book.  We need a book like this on domestic violence prevention."  I said "I am not done with marketing Some Parts are Not for Sharing yet."  She said "You do not have to be done, just please write another book on domestic violence."  I wrote the book on the plane ride home.  I had no idea the scope of this problem until I began to market the book.  Almost 9 million children under the age of 18 witness domestic violence each year.

Do you have a favorite story to tell about the impact of your writing?  

The biggest impact is from young mothers who tell me they were not protected as a child and want to make sure to give this information to their children.  I love speaking to students, but when I can address a room full of receptive parents I get giddy.  Parents are the ones who drive their children into or away from danger.  Parents are the ones who decide if they will share the prevention message with their child or remain silent.  I think if you choose to remain silent on this topic your child will be or may already have been harmed.  Talk about prevention with your child before the perpetrator puts lies into their head; "This is our secret."  "No one will believe you."  Telling your children you will believe them if they ever report any inappropriate boundary issues is like giving your child a gift that no amount of money can buy.  Being a small, innocent, powerless individual every child needs prevention information.
 
What can parents do to protect their children from child abuse?
1. Read Some Parts are Not for Sharing to your child over and over.  To read or order the book visit www.juliefederico.com
2. Make it safe to tell.  Tell your children repeatedly that if anyone touches them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable you want to know.
3. Believe that anyone could cross inappropriate boundaries with your child.
4. Never say to your child if they report an incident, "They would never do that."
 
If children know that it is okay to tell parents, then if something happens that makes them uncomfortable you are laying the ground work for them to talk.  This is superior to not saying anything to your child, then praying that no harm comes their way.  Prevention is power, with this knowledge your child has a much better chance of staying safe and not suffering from long term abuse in silence.

Have you written other books? 

Only two. However, Some Parts are Not for Sharing is also available in Spanish.

Do you have more books planned? 

Yes, many more.

Are there other resources you would like to recommend to families on these hard issues?
Another great body safety books is: Jon Holsten's TheSwimsuit Lesson  
Child Help works for the prevention and treatment of child abuse:

How do people get Anger is Okay Violence Is Not?


Enter for a free paperback of Anger is Okay Violence is Not: Leave a comment  by June 30. On July 1 I will draw a name from those who have commented. Be sure you enter your email address(just so I can read it) so I can contact you if you win.

Winner of the free copy is Stephanie!

You can purchase Julie's books at Tate Publishing, amazon, and many other retailers.

Links to Some Parts are Not for Sharing: Tate Publishing , Kindle version on Amazon

Links to Anger is Okay Violence is Not: Tate Publishing , Kindle version on Amazon

Please consider sharing this post online, where ever you share – facebook, twitter, etc.

Anger is Okay – Review & Giveaway

Read below how to enter for a copy of Anger is Okay Violence is Not.
Winner of the free copy is Stephanie!

It’s okay to get angry. What can you do when you get angry? Hit?  Bite? Throw things? NO! Play? Cry? Talk to someone? YES!

Julie K. Federico wrote Anger is Okay Violence is Not to help raise awareness among children about domestic violence. Set under the sea with fish of all kinds getting angry for many reasons and written in a question and answer style it’s a great  discussion starter. She helps kids know what to do when they are angry and what to do when the adults in their life are violent.

Anger is Okay Violence is Not would be a great help in starting conversations about

• what makes your children mad
• acceptable ways to deal with anger in your home
• righteous verses unrighteous anger
• forgiveness
• how keeping anger hurts you - often more than the other person

This is a cute book with an important message. “Anger should not hurt others.”

Anger is Okay Violence is Not would be a great resource for classrooms and children in homes with domestic violence. Julie provides resources and contact information in the back.

If you visit www.juliefederico.com you can read Julie’s first book, Some Parts are Not for Sharing. She is passionate about helping children so the book is there for everyone to read anytime, FREE! Neat idea!

Tomorrow I hope you’ll stop by to read a little of Julie's story as she shares her passion to make a difference for children and families.

How to enter for a free paperback of Anger is Okay Violence is Not: Leave a comment below by June 30. On July 1 I will draw a name from those who have commented. Be sure you enter your email address so I can contact you if you win.

You can purchase Julie's books at Tate Publishing, amazon, and many other retailers.

Links to Some Parts are Not for Sharing: Tate Publishing , Kindle version on Amazon

Links to Anger is Okay Violence is Not: Tate Publishing , Kindle version on Amazon

Please consider sharing this post online, where ever you share – facebook, twitter, etc.

Time 4 Learning Review

Time 4 Learning (T4L) generously offered a free month trial of their online curriculum in exchange for our honest review. It was a great learning experience and time to reflect on what really matters to me as I educate my children. So here it is - my honest review:

Each student has their own log-in. They can even “customize” their home page color. Once logged in they have access to all their subjects and tools. They can choose their subject and T4L keeps track of completed activities, even if they choose to do them out of order. There are guides in the parent section to help determine how many activities to do a day or week if you were using this all year. You have the flexibility to adjust each subject level independently for each student. Even after you have chosen the level there are three levels for each lesson, one higher and one lower if the student needs more help or more challenge on just one lesson. 

Their website has lots of helpful information for however you might want to use their program from a fun safe learning environment to full curriculum.

Things we liked:

• The lessons are entertaining. Far more than mom ever is. 
• My children enjoyed deciding what they wanted to work on first.
• The playground J My children enjoyed the games. I enjoyed that it automatically shut down when their earned time is up. Parents set how much time they can earn and accumulate.
• My children were always ready to start as soon as we finished Bible.
• Reports give great information about each activity, even if it’s not a “scored” lesson. From the report you can click to open any activity to see their answers or to redo the activity.
• If you are looking for help in specific areas you can look through the lessons and activities to choose ones for those areas.
• It’s a safe site. Many of the games on the playground are elsewhere on the web, but you have to watch what ads pop up. T4L eliminates that issue.
• The Odyssey Writer word processing tool. The students can do graphic organizers, note cards, and outlines. Their information is easily transfered between those formats as well as pasted into the body of their text.

Things we didn’t like:

• It has a secular worldview. For science we did it together so we could discuss things contrary to what we believe. In the language arts and math lessons the humor was not always respectful, nothing repulsive, just not necessarily uplifting either.
• The lessons are not mastery based. Once a lesson is completed the student moves on to the next one regardless of their score. The parent can go in and review their scores and lessons can be repeated.
•  The lessons didn’t review previous material. If you were using this as a supplemental program this would be good because it focuses on just the skill of the lesson. Using it as the main curriculum would mean adding some daily review to be sure lessons learned are not lost.
• Starting at level 3 Science and History are basically textbooks online. I have never been a fan of textbooks so this was not a good fit for us. There are suggestions and sometimes assignments for activities, as well as suggested reading. We did not make it to the library to check out any of the books recommended.

What I learned:

• Having the computer as the teacher, even for part of the day, relieved pressure from my relationship with my son. He struggles with learning and I do not always have the patience I need. Having the computer do the correcting and reminding seems to have given him more emotional energy to deal with the rest of life better.
• Mastery and review is important to me. Connecting history and science to life in a meaningful way is, too.  I’m thankful for the T4L trial. It provided some insight into making our home more peaceful.
• I will be looking into other online programs for math and reading, at least for my son. They must focus on mastery and hopefully will incorporate review. I’ll let you know what I find and what I decide.

I welcome your feedback.

Do you use T4L? Feel free to share why and how it works for your family.

Do you use another online program? Why do you like it?

Time4Learning Trial

I've been invited to try Time4Learning for a month in exchange for a candid review. Their online program can be used for homeschool, as an after school tutorial and for summer learning. My opinion will be my own, so come back and read about my experience. You can write your own curriculum review, too!

I never thought this would be my style, but with struggles for some of my children and spring fever for us all I think it will be the perfect time to try it out!

Worthy is the Lamb

We have been studying through Revelation.  This journey  began last spring when we started our timeline. Beginning a timeline led to studying before time began. Then my children wanted to know what happened after time. That led us to start studying Revelation.We read through Revelation and began study last spring. Over the summer our study dropped off. In January we started using Kay Arthur's Bible Prophecy for Kids.We've really been enjoying it.

I print off the passage from Blue Letter Bible with 1.5 line spacing so there is more room for notes.

Scene Around the Throne

There are often activities to draw what has been described. Sometime we do our own. I encourage my children to do really fast sketches for this so they see they can get down a concept without being an artist.

There is a code for how to mark key words in the passage. This really helps to sort through exactly what was written.

The Counsel of the LORD

There are many devices in a man's heart; nevertheless the counsel of the LORD, that shall stand.

                                           Proverbs 19:21  

LORD, I submit every thought in my heart to you for only your plans will last.

In our schooling we do a verse every week. On Friday we draw what we learned, what the verse means, whatever God puts on our hearts. They are quick sketches of an idea.

In the Dark

He fulfills the desire of those who fear him: he hears their cry and saves them.

Psalm 145:19

During our devotions on Friday we asked God to show us what he wanted to say to us through this verse. I got this picture. I felt like my family was all inside a very dark room. It’s sad, lonely, heavy, and confused.  There is a blinding light shining through the crack of the door. The light is frightening. It hurts our eyes. Yet as we gaze we know everything we are longing for is in the light. Intense warmth and comfort. Enlightenment. Understanding. Peace.

Unfortunately the door stayed closed. I don’t know if that means we have not opened it or something else or nothing at all. For myself I think I have not opened the door. My head knows all I need and long for is in the light, but my heart is afraid. I will continue to rest in what I know is true. This too will be shaped by his loving hands for my good. I will learn to know him more and bask in his light.

Thinking on this yesterday I had some more insights I wanted to share.

Inside the room is my perspective. Out in the light is God’s perspective, not limited by walls.

Jesus stands at the door and knocks and he will come in. Having Jesus in me, in my circumstances, in my dark room is good. 

However, I have to leave the room, step out into God’s light to be in Jesus – to be abiding. This is where I am going – abiding. Abiding in him, in his light.

Spoons of Grace

A friend shared this article with me a while back on The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino. It is well worth the read. Christine has Lupus and created The Spoon Theory to answer a friends inquiries about life with Lupus. A handful of spoons begins to represent the resources available for the day. It is a powerful illustration of the choices and mindset of someone with health issues.

While I have never had a serious illness or disability The Spoon Theory made me think about how we all need to guard our time and emotional resources instead of taking so much for granted. This came to me again as our family is dealing with some big losses. One morning when my second son was having a particularly hard time I introduced the idea of emotional spoons. Each day we start with a certain number of spoons (emotional energy, capacity). Normally we have more than enough to get through a day.

With a handful of spoons we went through a day talking about what would normally use a spoon or gain one. I took spoons away for school work, chores, and arguing. I showed when we are grieving we may be short some spoons, or they may be harder for us to hang on to. Every day is different.

Since I was using the spoons to represent emotional capacity we talked about ways to preserve spoons and to get spoons back. Being kind. Patient. Remember others are hurting, too – even if it looks different for them. Being in a family that is all grieving it is a relief that not everyone experiences the same emotions at the same time. What a wreck we would be then.

Keeping the grief inside costs you a spoon. Sharing someone else’s grief helps you both hang on to one.  

I considered having everyone actually have a container of spoons they could take from to show how they were doing. I really like the idea. It would be a great visual. However the chances of me following through to have it be meaningful are not very good. I decided we would each decorate a spoon to hang on the family board as a reminder that we all need more grace, for ourselves and each other.

While they finished their spoons I read to them from A Time to Grieve by Kenneth C. Haugk. It was helpful to hear what grief is. They felt better knowing their questions and emotions were normal and would get better. As we do more reading I’ll be posting other books we find helpful. Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert is one I really like. It puts the process of grieving in a story that is more relatable to children.

On the Family Board